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Photo by Flickr user r.a. paterson. Neither my fence nor garden are nearly as nice.

Deer fences have been on my mind, which believe it or not has to do with writing.

It all started in my community garden around the Fourth of July. That’s when I noticed a garden neighbor, a quiet gentleman in his late 60s who tends to weed in a button-down shirt, walking down the garden path flourishing red, white and blue leis. By that time, my fellow gardeners and I had been grumbling about the nibbles for a while. Hungry, overpopulated deer had eaten whole crops of string beans and beets, and gobbled my Swiss chard plants down to nubs. Even my tomato plants, which are supposed to be deer-proof, fell victim.

“The deer obviously didn’t read the gardening books,” I remember another plot neighbor quipping. “Tomato plants are supposed to be poisonous!” Continue reading →

The form letter from Marine Captain Kingrey lumbers on for a good two dozen words before it gets to the condolence.

The recent death of your son, Private First Class Dan Bullock, U.S. Marine Corps, on June 7, 1969 at Hoa Combat Base, Quang Nam Province, Republic of Vietnam, is a source of great sorrow to me and all the members of Company F. Please accept our deepest sympathy in your bereavement.

As far as the Marine Corps knew, Bullock was old enough to serve in the military. Yet days after his death, The New York Times ran an article stating his actual age and declaring this North Carolina native “the youngest American serviceman killed in the Vietnam War.” Continue reading →

A hearing second grader I know signs “America” with two fists stacked and stirring. This is how he remembers learning it in his public school. Though most American Sign Language users sign “America” with interlaced fingers that look like the corner of a log cabin instead of like they’re gripping a giant spoon, the message is clear: We think of the U.S. as a melting pot.

Only who we call to melt with us isn’t consistent. This became clear with the star-spangled rise to fame of Lydia Callis, an American Sign Language interpreter for New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg during press conferences last week. As Teresa Blankmeyer Burke writes in DeafEcho.com:

Lydia Callis…is getting a lot of attention these days for her interpreting during Hurricane Sandy. She’s been spoofed on Chelsea Handler’s show, she has Tumblrs dedicated to her, and she’s even been named  Hot Slut of the Day by Dlisted.

Each of these media hits was trailed by effusive comments. Okay, some pointed out that facial expression is part of ASL grammar and that she was just signing like anyone else would. But most commenters couldn’t glow enough. Parents said their toddlers were inspired to learn sign language; nonsigners claimed they understood Bloomberg’s message better thanks to her work.

Finally, Callis won the ultimate hat tip: A spoof in the opening sketch of Saturday Night Live. In this one, Fred Armisen as Bloomberg gives a spiel with an expressive “Callis” (Cecily Strong) at his side.

But something is off. Did you watch all the way to the 3:30 mark, where Armisen-as-Bloomberg delivers “a message to our Spanish speakers,” sixty seconds of the most disastrous, hilarious white guy accent you’ll hear this side of an overzealous Taco Bell order? If not, go back and watch all the way to there. Then consider how your average American might react to each non-English section. Continue reading →